You Must Save Yourself Before You Can Save Your Marriage

Do you want to save your marriage?

This is a question I am faced with today. In asking myself this question I realized that in order to save my marriage I must save myself. I am not sure today what  that means for me but I am on a quest to find out.  Most posts/blogs are written after a trial/problem has a resolution. I decided to document my journey as I am going through my trial, in hopes to help myself and others during the process.

I am not a professional writer or counselor. I am just a person who is looking for a positive way to express her emotions and channel some energy.

My Journey has already begun:

My husband moved out two weeks ago. We are high school sweet hearts (23 years) and been married 11 years. Our youngest child is 18. This is actually his second time moving out. Last time I was so dramatic. I would not talk to him, ignored him and really tried to make him feel bad about leaving our family. Back then I did not have a close relationship with Jesus so I was doing what I though would guilt him into staying with us. During the first time he left I really grew in the word and with my relationship with Jesus. He returned home 6 months later. He was back 8 years and decided he was unhappy with our lives and needed to leave. He blamed the failing of our marriage on me (I do accept responsibility for my part in the breakdown in our marriage). This time around I prayed when he said he wanted to leave and I heard God tell me “let him go”.  I had peace about this because my husband is battling with a lot of worldly demons. I truly believe I was to allow him to go and deal with his inner turmoil. I have been very positive with him and I do not nag him or put any expectations on him. If he calls I answer and hear him out and talk to him on a civilize level. I do not disrespect him in any way (I never did) and I do not treat him badly. Oddly, he has been calling a lot making small talk and asking if I would allow him back into my life. I do feel that my husband and I will work things out but I still feel that there is work to be done in both of us. I also feel that this time apart is revealing things to us that were clouded/blurry when we were together. I love my husband and believe he loves me but I believe sometime you truly can’t see the forest for the trees. I just want to encourage all those that are going through the pain in a marriage to really look within and find something positive to pull from your situation. I know it is hard to do that when you are so filled with pain and sadness. Please take it from someone who has been there and is there now God will see you through this regardless of the outcome of your marriage. Just put your focus on Him and he will truly show you the way.  My husband has been gone two weeks and in that time God has given me peace, strength, encouragement and wisdom. Which is exactually what I need because I truly believe if I do not grow and my husband do not grow, if he was to return right now, it would not last. I love my husband dearly and want him back so much. However, I am thanking God for this time of trial that my marriage is going through because my focus is not on getting my husband back but rather on growing so if and when he comes back he will never leave again. I am praying for all of you and I ask that you all please pray for me and my husband as we are both on a journey to find our way.